Striving for mental health

Ive been skipping out on writing my blog because I have been unwell both physically and my mental health has been suffering. What I thought was hay fever turned into a flu so I haven't been able to exercise as much. Not only that I have been suffering with depression quite badly lately. If I were to be honest with myself it has been a while and its been progressively getting worse.

I can pin point it back to when my sister assaulted me. That's about the time my weight started going up. It was also the time i had to quit the gym and try to have a new routine now I couldn't rely on the creche and the time i enjoyed with out the kids. it was a great social outlet. I have probably written about this before but i feel i have to put it out there so I can understand where things went wrong. I have made many genuine attempts to get back on track but it isn't until today 6mths later i am thinking clearly. 

Back in December I tried to convince my doctor that the prescription I was on was not strong enough of course because I was off my tablets at the time he wanted to put me on the same prescription and also to see a phsycologist. So Ive been seeing someone to help me feel not so overwhelmed with everything. Knowing in the back of my mind if i have a stronger prescription i would feel a bit better. Things have been so so negative in my life, Ive been negative and feeling trapped in a stressful life, not knowing how to change things. Ive had so called friends reject me and Ive been feeling like i don't want to be around people but with that comes loneliness. 

I also have not been dealing very well with my emotional and very energetic son. I realised today that part of his behavior he is feeding off of how I feel. I don't want him to grow up that way. I want him to be positive and strong and happy. 

I made the decision to take myself out without hubby and kids last night to a local theatre production of Wind in the Willows. I asked a friend of mine to come along and I have to say not only was it good to have a great friend with me but I laughed so hard, it was such a quirky and very funny show! best thing i have done in a while to make myself happy and relax! The other thing i thought I would try, which will see me at the doctors this week is I upped my anti depressant by half a tablet to see if it will make a difference. It has made such a world of difference! 

Earlier this week we had the real estate ring to tell me we had breached because when they came around the house was a mess, and of course I hadn't wiped the grubby marks off the walls and lets just say i completely forgot they were coming round. It made me angry and I tried justifying why my house was messy, blaming it on kids, hubby working away, me being sick. I cried so much the next couple of days. it was a real kick in the guts. The reality was I was in denial of not coping, hiding from everything, not facing my problems and it was really showing in my house! 

My pride had been bruised but with some kind help in the last few days I have got myself  fixing things. I have a white board marker I write my tasks for the day and make sure i mark them off once they are done. I also add an extra task i can do each day that wont make me feel overwhelmed but also catch up and get in control. For example I will wash a wall or two each day until I've done the house or sort out one room just small steps. 

I am healing myself, and facing reality but at a gentle pace so that I can keep going. As I keep getting better than I will be able to do more. I noticed because of how calm I was today, my son who usually goes nuts everyday was so calm and such a good boy! I was so proud of him. Tomorrow is a rest day,  so Monday will be a new start to getting better both physically and mentally. If my head is a mess my body wont be healthy. So here is to a healthy mind and body. 

ps. No matter how far down the road you have gone wrong, you can always turn around

SusieNona xx

Hayfever and Crossfit!

So yesterday despite being all stuffy from this sinus infection, sneezes, blocked nose I went off to cross fit for the first time in over a week! It was a bit of a struggle to get through the run but the TABATA was awesome! It was called Tequila TABATA.... I was introduced to a couple of new moves, wall climbs which involved doing a push up and then climbing up the wall with my feet until I was in a handstand position and the climb back down! Tough and all I could think of was I was going to flip over but I didn't!

The second new move was called The Bastard! bicep curl with the barbell, lift the bar above your head and then bend your elbows so the bar is behind your head, so basically a french curl. You hit the bicep and tricep muscles.

Again we got into the sleds at the end of the workout. we had one person in the sled, one person pulling the sled and one person pushing. Its the toughest part of the workout! I had to pull a guy who was 93kg plus the weight of the sled. Of course it was made a bit easier having someone pushing but wow it was so tough I just couldn't get myself out for another run and I was trying to hold back throwing up and not to faint!

I am getting stronger and can feeling it when I do part of a workout with a particular weight i would normally find tough and its easier. eg. swinging a 10kg kettle bell and not feeling much, So I know next time I will up the weight. I love where I am at fitness wise, I think I still doubt myself at times, but I look back even a year ago and know I would not be able to do what I do now! such a huge achievement!

So I'm hoping this hay fever clears up soon so I can get right into it, this crazy weather isn't helping!

Lean and strong is making me strong. :)

Enjoy your read!

SusieNona! xx

Tuesday work out today!

Just thought I would post again! As I was explaining in my last post Ive been in lots of pain! But this afternoon I shook off all my doubts and did Tuesday work out today! I'm so pleased that I did it! Another little victory and I could post a real workout pic for the weekly prize! Though I was posing after I did the workout while my boy took the pic, i know i worked hard!

My Triceps took a pummeling today with the focus being on triceps especially in the TABATA, I could hardly do the triceps push ups on my knees let alone on my toes!!! I made sure I was doing it, even tho they were beginner push ups! I really enjoyed the TABATA. Its so different to last rounds program, the intensity has been upped early on! LOVE IT!!

So the one thing I forgot to mention in my last post was the physical changes I have been seeing in the past 2 and a half weeks! My belly has shrunk, my arms are more defined, my legs are taking shape and my jeans are fitting more comfortably! I refused to go out and buy new bigger clothes. To me that would be accepting the weight gain as permanent and that's the last thing I want. I knew I went wrong with eating lots of sugary foods and wine over the holidays and I've been working hard to eliminate sugar out of my diet. Alcohol is easy to eliminate as I've never been a regular drinker. So much so we still have whiskey and wines sitting on our fridge and in our cupboards for a few years now!

Anyway here is my workout pic from tonight!

Happy reading! :)

TTOTM Just for the Girls! And all about Fibro Myalgia!!

So I've been feeling a bit sorry for myself! I've had TTOTM and its been a really horrible one! I've been so so emotional, in a huge amount of pain and its been affecting my exercise routine as its left me doubled over, cramped up, flooding and not being able to move.

There have also been a lot of emotional issues to deal with as far as my son is concerned. With my husband working away he believes he is the head of the house and can do what he wants but with persistence and keeping up with my stubborn attitude to keep things running smoothly, my son is slowly getting there and his attitude is improving.

Normally I can push through and keep up with my exercise routine which also usually helps as far as this time of the month. So I feel set back and a bit frustrated not being able to do what I wish. I am having to be patient. I'm reading alot from friends who are exercising everyday, eating really well. I am really happy for them, I'm just wishing to be right in there in the mix of things and i cant. The extent I have been able to do recently is walking, so that's what I do!

Fibromyalgia Is the main cause of my health issues. Like anyone who has it, you worry about how to balance out your energy through the day, hoping to not expend it on one task otherwise you end up in bed, in pain all over and not being able to move.

12wbt has been amazing at reducing alot of the symptoms, though one thing I cant get rid of is the persistent tiredness, leading to priority one, sleep. Even doing the dishes at times can lead to a nap. Majority of the time I am spacing my days out with lots of rest in between what I need to do. Half the time not getting through the tasks and taking several days to finish, unlike my husband who can clean the house and get everything done with in an hour or two! How frustrating!!! Thank goodness I have such help though!

So how do I get through my workouts you say???!!! Well I really have to push through with mental strength. I have days where i feel fantastic and power through the workout, the day and go to bed feeling great. Other days I have to keep reminding myself of how great I will feel after a workout. And some days I just HAVE to rest!

So you may think I'm making excuses, the thing is, its a reality for me no matter how much I may try to convince my mind its not real, my body will let me know very abruptly when Ive pushed too hard. Just know that I am there mentally when it comes to fitness. I love it with a passion, wish to be working out as hard and as much as any normal healthy person. Its just a slower journey for me. Frustrating at times, and I wonder will I ever get to where i wish to be, but its happening. My journey is unique to me and I am learning so much along the way.

Even if I can share just apart of what my daily struggles are with someone going through the same thing and worrying about the journey, I just want them to know its all worth the work even if your journey is the scenic route! More discoveries of beautiful gems of knowledge along the way!

Susie Nona xxx

Mwah xxx

Kids love working out too!!

Since Ive been recovering from the touch of the flu and lucky my its TTOTM, I couldn't see myself skipping and running around like mad at cross fit since I get my period really heavy. Jumping around was all too uncomfortable so I committed myself to completing Fridays workout today.

The kids get very excited when I do weights and want to join in by adding their weight to the dumbell as they try to hold it too and making it just that bit harder for me! I love how exercise has such a positive effect on children!

I have a few lighter weights that I don't use anymore that they pick up and try to do a rep! Half the time they just jump around to the music I have pumping. Always brings a smile to my face as long as they don't get under foot!

They especially love it when I hook the chin up bar to the door, then I have them saying to me " mum lift me up, lift me up I want a go!"

I Do love the fact that I can almost catch my son now that I am 15kg lighter than a year ago! I have almost got my speed back. I have to laugh because even when he was 2yrs old I found it hard to catch him! He has a natural talent for running and ball games. He also has a naturally muscly physique which puts both his parents to shame!! 7 years old too!! I think I envy his muscles!! hahaha More incentive to keep going!

Well I'm feeling good! Glad I got my workout done and after 2 weeks of lean and strong I am seeing slight changes to my muscle form. Happy dancing!!

Enjoy your weekend! xx

GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND WORKOUT!!!

Hey everyone, so I thought I would write a quick entry about how Ive been feeling. Yesterday the usual plan is to go to cross fit. That didn't happen as I was in bet fighting off this back to school flu the kids have had. Thank goodness It hasn't hit me that bad though I am a bit tired, but I realised I missed yesterday and this mornings usual daily multivitamin. So once I got home I took it and I'm always surprised at how great it works as I was really ready to head back to bed.

 So as it was kicking in and I was checking all my notifications, that thought in my brain kept annoying me..... GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND WORK OUT!!!! ...... Constantly nagging!! So after ignoring it for a while and telling myself I'm not well enough... which really was partly true but more like and excuse.... I got off my butt and worked out! And you know what?????!!! I felt amazing after!!!!

Yep I'm tired now but I wont regret doing my workout!


I will be heading to bed early tonight so I can wake up feeling good to go to cross fit for SSS... the theme is wear a tie! My hubby has some nice ones but I might borrow one of my boys daggy ones that have been given to him, that way i wont worry about it getting dirty since he never wears them! :)

My fitness is really improving with the combination of lean & strong and cross fit.

Well I all hope you all have had a great week of workouts!!! Trust the program! it really works!! :)

Susie Nona xx

Mind set changing!!

Hi everyone!!! Today I posting about my mindset!!! Its a work in progress but I am getting stronger!! Last round i let numbers on the scales affect my performance so this round I have made a commitment to stay strong! After seeing all the amazing results of Lean and Strong I was kicking myself, so I'm shouting out loud now, My MINDSET IS STRONG!!! NO SELF DOUBT!!! this round will be different!! I am genuinely giving it my all and trust the program works!

Doing lean and strong is not about weight loss but changing the body shape! Which is a huge change from the last few rounds I have done, focusing on the number on the scales, now I have let it all go, not worry about the scales, though I know I need to weigh in, I am focusing on trusting Mish and prove myself its okay to give authority to someone else and know they know better than me!! My first try of Lean and strong I proved to myself that MY way doesn't work and left me with tight jeans and clothes.

Every time I pass the mirror I say to myself "Trust the program, You are changing your body for the Positive" I smile at myself and walk off happy after doing a pose and checking my muscles out seeing small changes! hahaha, I know vain but if I don't view myself positively, how am I going to keep myself on track! :)

I have in mind that I do still have some weight to lose. I am telling myself that isn't my focus now. Saying that out loud actually gives me a sense of relief. I am eating healthily and working out hard.

Now just to keep on working on my organisational skills!! I have started up a white board on the fridge and write up a plan for what I need to do each day so I not only break up my days so I have enough energy for exercise I also keep a clean house and happy family. I had to come to terms with the fact that Ive been doing things on a whim and its not really getting me anywhere. So the white board is a start and I know it needs improving. My next step is to buy myself and awesome daily planner diary, so i have fit things into a time and it will be more efficient. That will cost me over $50, so this week I will buy it as a gift to myself!

Success! Here we come!!!

SusieNona!! xx