Friday, December 30, 2011

Two rounds in and still more to go!

Well, i have finally worked out how to blog, and im hoping it turns out alright. I previously blogged on the 12wbt website but now this is something new to me.

Ok, so i thought i would start writing about my 12wbt journey. So far I have done 2 rounds of 12wbt and its been an amazing journey. I have lost a total of 15 kilos on the program but im thinking ive out a couple back on due to eating emotionally of late.

I have been observing with amazement the transformations of some very wonderful people, some who have lost the weight in only a couple of rounds and others who have taken a year. Knowing that this is a competition it makes you push yourself to lose as much as you can. I have seen though that some expect too much of themselves and are extremely disappointed if they dont lose a certain amount each week. For me to avoid that disappointment i accept my losses what ever the number maybe and do my little happy dance every week. I was for some time starting to expect too much of myself and became a little obsessed with the scales. Its nice that we are on holidays at the moment and i cant weigh myself.

I have had high expectations of myself, thinking i could lose all the weight in just a couple of rounds and that little voice inside me saying i want to be acknowleged for all my achievements then realising i do fall short compared to how others are going so why should i feel like i need to be acknowleged by someone important or very well known aka Michelle Bridges. There are so many people doing the program, that there isnt a high chance of getting mentioned. So for me i rejoice when someone does and know that it doesnt change my ultimate goal of weight loss and gaining health.

I have also realised that my journey of gaining health is unique and what i can do compared to others is different. In my mind i would love to be pounding the pavement for 6km runs, but in reality, i cant, so i do what i can. I have learnt to push myself beyond what i thought i could ever do this last round and though the weight loss hasnt been huge the changes in my mentality toward healthy eating has been huge. I just have to keep plodding along and accept that i will reach certain goals when my body allows. It is better to be doing something rather than nothing. Consistancy is King!!

I have chronic fatigue, well as a close friend of mine says to be precise it is actually fibro myalgia. It is the on going affect of chronic fatigue. Your body is left chronically tired and you constantly have aches and pains in your body. You are also prone to sickness due to a lower immune system. The worst kind of pain is when your skin feels so sore it hurts to touch, and lasts usually about 3 to 4 days. Aparently it isnt a real pain, and your arent really hurt but it certainly feels like it.

So I have to accept that i mustnt push myself beyond what my body can cope with. Which means i have to take things a little slower and rest more often which isnt always easy with two little kids to run around after that constantly make mess! They are a joy though and i would live without them.

I also recently have had a miscarriage, tho i still feel pregnant. I have been very emotional and been putting on a brave face for my family. I find it hard to cry about things these days. Its not that i dont acknowlege what has happened but i find i have taught myself not to cry. I have been through many painful and emotionally draining experiences, and crying tho it let out alot of the frustration was exhausting and felt like i was giving into to those self doubting and negative things so i said to myself one day, thats it, dont you dare cry, you are better than this! Dont you dare cry! and i felt like i accomplished something that day and gained a strength i never knew before.

Well i think with 2 rounds under my belt I am only getting to half way thru my journey. I have come to accept that it will probably a year or so to get to goal weight but in that time i will be learning more lessons to keep the weight off and gain a healthier mind set. I look forward to writing again soon!!