Ok, so this is where Im at!...... since round 2 2012 I have gained 5kg. Which isnt too bad, but man I am not happy with myself. In saying that, I accept where Im at, I know where I went wrong. I allowed myself to be convinced my own voice in my head to eat what I want again, and i could still be in control.... How wrong was I?! It started when a weekend before the round 2 finale 2012. I had gotten to 68.2kg. Feeling great that clothes were fitting me amazingly! feeling confident too! So what has seen me slip?
It started when my sister living at my parents with her bf, assaulted me. I should have walked away from the heated discussion with my dad while he was getting all hysterical about a subject we were talking about. But its too late for wishes, it happened. My sister came in to tell us to keep it down. My dad went off at her and then she turned her attention on me, attacking me verbally and then throwing things at me. I Got up to block her and thats when she got hold of me and pinned me down trying to choke me. Ripped a big chunk of hair out of my head and somewhere along the line I broke my hand. I felt like I was fighting for dear life. My son and nephew saw it and went into shock crying.
It was a horrible moment, as no one was around to help me. My husband was away working and her boyfriend just watched on. I managed to bite her hand and break skin. I think the worse part was the Police did nothing about it. And because they lied to the police, it was just considered a fight between two sisters and no one was the victim. I was the victim!!! But no one cared.
Anyway I lost weight for a few weeks while recovering but then that turned into emotional eating. I also had to quit the gym due to finances and then had a fall out with people and ones I worked out with so that fell to the side. Being on my own wasnt a problem for me, but it was all leading to alot of stress on my shoulders and I just stopped!
I started round 4, a couple of kgs heavier than when I finished rd 2, which wasnt a problem I thought I could lose it. Four weeks in and with all the weight training I was doing I had gained weight. Knowing that I had weight to lose I didnt want to gain anymore. Lean and strong really does do your head if all you worry about is numbers.
So I fell of the wagon with holidays, and injury. Its just seemed impossible to get back on track which was a first for me. I have never struggled this much before. I would make a commitment to eating better and exercising and then fail a few days later.
So here I am, allowing others, emotions, and excuses take control of my life. And this where I want it to end! I am taking control!! No more victim mentality!! I am strong, and leaving all the crap behind!! Time to get on with the show! Make time for ME!! LETTING IT ALL GO!!!! Goodbye NEGATIVITY!!!