Friday, September 27, 2013

Jumping in at the deep end

My post today is a bit of a personal one. You see i know a part of what has been holding me back has been my rocky marriage. I do love my husband but I have finally reached a point where enough is enough. I have literally said to my husband, that I want to call it quits. You wonder why after saying how much I love him????

Well my marriage has a history of abuse. I left my husband 4 years ago because of him being so abusive both physically, emotionally, verbally. I had reached a point where I couldn't go on anymore. I was just existing in survival mode. It took a lot of courage but once I did it I was happier in my life than I had ever remembered. I was free from it all. Though a few months later I went back, at the wrong time, and though I thought we were moving on, it fell into the whole cycle of abuse again.

4 years later and another child, I am a much stronger person, and completely at the end of my tether. I have been feeling so miserable and though I have attempted to do another round of 12wbt as I have gained 10 kg from emotional eating, I haven't been doing too well. I have to say, one positive has been that I joined an amazing gym and gaining so much support and encouragement by ones there.

Anyway, the last straw was being abused about not putting fuel in the car before picking hubby up from working away. I was so crushed by the hurtful things said I completely shut off. I said, you know what? I don't want to hear this anymore. Its an easily resolved issue (pull in to the servo and fueling up). So, I sat silent for the whole trip home. A good hour or so of silence. That night I called it quits. I just don't want it anymore. No more criticizing, no more name calling, no more racist comments, no more negative. It was making me miserable to say the least. And I have been doing this for 9 and a half years.

I feel like I have finally stepped up and spoken the truth. Like a release from what was holding me back. I feel amazingly lighter and happier for my decision. I was calm and firm yet strongly resolved that I will not be going back, as it will be like I am cheating on my true self. I feel I have let go of those chains holding me down., a freedom from the abuse I've been dealing with all these years.

So where to from here???

Well Its only the beginning, so there are a few things needed to be sorted out. I am going to get myself a little run about next week so I am not without a car and can still get to the gym! I'm determined to take advantage of my new lease on life and be the person I want to be. To live life not just exist!


Friday, September 20, 2013

Grateful and Positive!!!

This week has been a real mixed bag of crazy! This week has not been one of my best. In fact it saw me crying at the drop of a hat, refusing to answer phone calls, wanting to leave my husband and put a hold on going ahead with building our house. Also not getting to the gym, spending money I shouldn't and downing lots of coffee and chocolate!!

I was so ready to crash and burn, but this is how I am turning it around......

Today I realised that despite all my efforts, I was not letting go of the past. All these negative things I have been heaping on my shoulders and not letting go have been stopping me from achieving many of my positive life changing goals I wish to make my future a better one! Its dawned on me that I have been holding onto these things for such a long time, I am so used to them that adding anything extra to my life makes me feel overwhelmed and I find myself crashing and burning.

Thanks to the kind positive words of the instructor I had today in boxing. I started talking to a lady at the end of class, asking what program she is doing as her physique was amazing. In my usual manner of conversation I went on to tell her I lost 20kg but gained 10kg because of this reason and that reason, blahh dee daa..... As I was talking the instructor overheard me mention 20kg loss, then whipped me out of the class (the class had finished.) and I started on the whole lost 20kg gained 10kg etc. I could feel myself welling up with tears and saying how much I'm not coping! (well hello its a pretty big burden Ive been carrying around on my shoulders all my life!! must weigh 10tonnes by now!!!)

She stopped me in my tracks and said "Susanne, you have to change the way you view things. so what that you have gained 10kg. look at it this way, you have lost 10kg and you have 10 to go, and don't worry about trying to get back on track, you are already on track as you are here, exercising, making the effort to get fit and healthy! Talking about gaining the weight again is holding you back, you can not move forward until you accept the past is in the past and look forward. Stop looking behind you, those things don't matter anymore!" Talk about amazing pep talk! I have been told all week, I have to toughen up and be more positive, and not until today do I realise how ungrateful and burdened I have been, and I have done it to myself! No wonder I'm feeling worn out and depressed!

About 5 minutes before taking my daughter out of crèche I grabbed my clothes, makeup and jewellery, got changed and walked out feeling amazing! ( I didn't forget my daughter! ) I had an enjoyable lunch, a pedicure, makeup done and took my two children out for a nice meal at a local Chinese restaurant, where a friend saw us and joined us for a positive chat.

After sharing this experience with some 12wbt mums, and then watching the video on being grateful, I was inspired to write this blog to share my experience with you all.

So many positive things have happened to me, especially in the past week that I have not been grateful enough for because I haven't had the room in my mind for it. Don't get me wrong, I certainly noticed them, its just making the room for them I am now going to make!

So here goes........ I will no longer look in the rear view mirror of my life, I, today, now let it all go and say goodbye. GOODBYE!!!!!! (saying this out loud right now!!)

Today I am grateful for all the positive beautiful friends I have. I am grateful for the ones that pop into my day just when I need a pick me up. I am grateful for waking up each day especially by my crazy, funny, children that always find a way of making me laugh and smile. I am grateful for all the sacrifice and hard work my husband does for our family, to give us a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. I am grateful for my faith and hope for the future. I am grateful for this amazing program that is continuing to see positive changes in my life,

My list is much longer and I will be adding to it each day. I will keep you posted.

Hope you enjoy your read!


Saturday, September 14, 2013

Getting my Grooooove Back!!!

This week has been all about changes that have seen me becoming a much more positive and happier person. It started out with joining the gym again which my hubby graciously volunteered to pay for... ( one of the many things he doesn't know he volunteers for! hehehe). I have been to 3 classes this week. Rpm, Zumba and Sh'bam.

I am feeling like I am getting my life back again. I am finally looking after myself. Giving myself, me time, time to feel like a human again!! It is a great social outlet and frustration outlet away from kids and hubby.

One highlight this week is meeting former 12wbt champion, Tracey Dunn! I went up to her not realising it and asked about spray and wipe for the equipment as in my old gym we had to wipe down the machines each time. She looked up at me and smiled and I repeated myself and then said, "And why do you look so familiar to me!?" Then she tells me who she was and was over the moon. I had a wonderful conversation with her, great advice and encouragement. I have been following Tracey for a while and its so encouraging seeing the dedication she has put into her weight loss and now figure competitions.

Today I went to the gym and tried another new class, Sh'Bam. Wow, what a workout that is, almost as intense as attack in some parts. To top it off the instructor was a friend of mine and after taking my daughter out of crèche, we ran in the rain to the café next door, which I had never been to, gorgeous place too, and she shouted me a macchiato, and we talked for over an hour.

I feel like I've been not only looking after myself, people I know have been looking out for me too.
I realise I have some beautiful friends but when depression overtakes my positive thinking, I feel like I am the loneliest person. I also don't want people to be around me when I'm feeling so low. Exercise really is a natural antidepressant. I forgot for a while how great it was. No wonder I was so addicted to working out all the time in the past. I can appreciate my friends much more too!

So onward and upwards I'm going, each day with a smile on my face!!

Enjoy!! :)

Monday, September 9, 2013

Wake up Call and 20 pushups.

Over the weekend while my husband is here, we took the kids out for some family outings. First SciTech and then AQWA. Both fantastic outings. Pics were taken and when we got home I saw the pic taken of my son and I.... Though I was happy in the pic, it dawned on me how much I really let myself go, especially since moving to Perth. Well really I see it from the time I had to stop going to the gym about a year ago.

The gym has always been a great social outlet, frustration outlet, great exercise and a break from kids and hubby. When I had to let all that go because of finances it really affected me. All the anxiety and deep depression I used to suffer all came flooding back and fell into a vicious cycle of not being able to break out of it. I have always suffered with depression but it came back worse when exercise stopped.

Anyway back to the picture, I was really disappointed in myself for slipping and gaining the weight I have. And I don't even like what I see in the mirror, and I hate not knowing what to wear or feeling uncomfortable because clothes are tight.

Yesterday, I saw a post by Lorna Jane, that said Drop and give me 20 push ups! After a few seconds of internal arguing I did it! Those 20 push ups turned my miserable day into a happier one, to the point I got my gyms clothes on and with no kids or husband drove all the way to the gym and started filling in a free pass.

 I don't know about you, but some places I don't feel as comfortable as others. I had checked out a gym a bit further away and instantly loved the atmosphere. So, in the middle of filling in this form, I grabbed my bag, and walked out. Instead of driving home, I drove to the other gym and felt completely at home and happier. I said to the girls at reception, I was  going to join tonight, filled in the free pass and did a gruelling rpm class. So glad I stayed for the whole class and had an amazing chat to the instructor after.

I decided on an off peak membership as it would fit in with crèche and the classes I wanted to do. To top it off I had the most amazing sleep, even though my 3yr old daughter took up most of the bed and I have a sore butt this morning, the good mood is lingering and I love it!

So that was my day and how 20 push ups turned it all around!


Friday, August 30, 2013

Joining the Gym again!

Just thought I should write about how everything is going. Firstly I am losing weight!! woohoo!! since the start of round I have lost just over a kilo and we are in week 3! I have been eating smaller portions and a lot healthier. I crave healthy food and made sure that when I feel like having a carb binge I go for fruit or a carmens bar. I also drink plenty of water and really feel the effects of not drinking enough when Ive had extremely busy days.

As far as exercise its a little slow, I do walking a lot but because we are not in our own home, as soon as I get on the treadmill and do a tabata workout I get told to SLOW DOWN.... sigh. So, Ive decided to check some gyms out and I think I have found the ONE! haha. Its a little further to go to but I finally got back that rush feeling I always do when I used to go to the gym. The crèche is great too. I really love the set up and if I go off peak it will fit right into my schedule and the crèche time table. Ive checked out their timetable for classes and the classes I want to do are at the times I am looking at going.

On another good new item, my hubby finally go the message he has to do something about his weight! Though he has done well losing 20kg, he has been plateauing. His medical for work this year, saw him only scrape through but has to make plenty of appointments with specialist to pass fully. The company he works for cater to the needs of the workers rather well. They work out bush and tiny towns. There is a gym set up and he has been going!! Im so proud of him! Its actually made me realise I have to pick up my game, as I will be able to brag along side him now, while we are both losing weight! I wont have to put up with his bragging all the time if Im doing the same too! We tend to have a bit of competition between us, to spur us on, with what ever we are doing and im really glad it has something to do with exercise this time! I know he will smash his goals, being a man they lose weight quicker but I will be proud of him either way!

Ok enough for the day! Hope you enjoy your read! Til next time! ciao! xx

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

My Inner Mongrel and Cooking up a Storm!

One thing you will get from me is honesty. When I struggle, when I succeed, when I'm happy or sad. Today is a mixture. I personally really struggle with my husbands moods when he comes off shift work. He drives me mad! I love him but could kick his arse for being a pain!

With all the negativity swirling around, I could have easily, curled up in a ball and gone to bed defeated. But today I got onto the 12wbt website, watched the video all about that inner mongrel. I decided to get on the treadmill, hill program, tabata and then an hour long walk pushing my daughter in her pram until we got caught in the rain! I put all my negative energy into a positive out come! My mantra today was "You call me fat, I will prove you wrong buster!" I feel so much better and proud of myself for doing it!

I am continuing to eat clean and I am not feeling hungry. As I am living with family it makes it difficult to have continuously clean food in the house. Lets just say because I am with family, there is all sorts of junk in the house. It is just pushing me to strengthen my will power. so far, so good. The new week has given me motivation to get into cooking more often again. I was struggling motivation as I am not an avid cook. On Tuesday I cooked Broccoli soup which in shock and absolute joy, my two kids, no surprise with my son but my toddler daughter is one of the fussiest eaters and usually wont eat veggies, and my nephew, again a fussy eater, not only ate it all up, but really enjoyed it! WINNING! Last night I made a lovely healthy chicken stir fry, my own secret recipe (last time I shared someone stole my recipe for a weekly challenge!) Kids were asking for more! My mum is really enjoying the meals and I guess the break from the kitchen, though she still has to cook for my dad as he is allergic to anything healthy.

I made a special trip to the local farmers market on Tuesday, and was so surprised by the prices. So much cheaper than the supermarket! I came home with a lot of fruit and veggies, so I can make soups and other healthy meals. Everything was bought with the purpose of cooking healthy meals and for me to get in the kitchen way more often. That way I can control the amount of fats and salt going into my food!

Til next time! Keep that inner mongrel running! :)

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

What to do when your workout partner fails to commit!!

I've been pretty excited about the prospect of finally having a workout partner. Sadly things just haven't worked out. each and every time something was committed with out fail there was a cancellation. Now Ive found out that what I was being told as the reason why it didn't happen wasn't the truth at all. 

This is how it all went down in a fiery ball of hell..... for the 3rd time our workout was cancelled. The reason being she had to clean and catch up on the housework. Fine..... I jokingly put a post on her facebook page about no excuses. as I was looking through motivational pics for myself to get on with doing a workout on my own i shared on my OWN timeline pics that would inspire me. 

Later I found out that she took it that it was an attack on her, and had a major vent on facebook going as far as not mentioning my name but basically was about me. Lets just say i apologized and told her the posts were for encouragement not an attack on her. I have to admit that I was completely knocked over by the vent and felt very hurt and insulted. I told her that space is what she needed and space is what I will give her out of respect for her request. I didn't attack her or insult her but felt by what information she had given me I hadn't seen posting motivation pics and on my own facebook page that I did anything wrong. 

She finally told me that she didn't want to tell me the real reason for backing out. I was only trying to go by the timetable that she organised!  So, back to just relying on myself to get out there and JFDI!!! 

I've done it before so no reason why I cant again. 

Right now I am sick with a cold and chestiness but you know what?! I got up nice an early, got on the treadmill (that's been waiting for me to start it up for I don't know how long) and spent 10 minutes walking and running building up a sweat. I next did a fat burner tabata that was a whole body workout. so all together 16 mins or so. A short workout but a workout none the less I sweated and felt so good for doing it! 

See!! Never is a workout regretted! 

I'm so excited the 1st week has been open. I must complete all my measurements and do my fitness test now! :) On with the show! :) xx

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Say it out Loud!

So here is the part where I have to make it public and make my commitment to sticking to the 12wbt program!

Each time I make this commitment I have these little doubts in my head saying you really aren't gonna do well...... Sometimes they are a little too loud and I literally have to shake my head and say NO!! I AM COMMITTING AND THAT IS IT! SHUT UP!

I wrote my commitment on the forums and I let all my friends know so I need to keep my promise and do it! I found where I failed the last couple of rounds is that I kept quiet and didn't let people follow or know where I was at! I would do OK and then go quiet. Where as when I first started I was in the forums, posting on face book, encouraging ones in the 12wbt face book groups and smashing it out in the gym.

So the decision I have now, since we have moved and our situation is different, Is where to workout! I love the outdoors and I love doing weights. Decisions to make!

Its so true, I never regret working out! Walking, running when doing school drop offs. I have this feeling of strength and freedom when I run. Having the right kind of music, shaking my head, wriggling my hips as run, I must look silly but I don't care I love the motivation music gives.

Anyway! Here is my commitment: I commit to being an honest woman of my word, stick to the program and do my best! I know it works so I will give it my all!

There you go! Ive now let the world now I gotta do it!

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

1.4kg Loss.. woohoo!!

I know Ive already posted on 12wbt about my loss and of course on Facebook as I couldn't contain my excitement. Since moving to Perth I've been doing nothing but gaining and it really comes down to what I've been putting in my gob! There has been plenty of stress with family getting used to living with each other.

Now that I've found a good median and we are all settling, I'm eating a lot cleaning. When I woke up this morning I felt lighter and so had to check. Lately I've been weighing with clothes on so I've stuck to it. I know its generally done first thing in the morning, with no clothes on but currently there is only one scale in the house and that is in my parents room, so need to get myself a pair once I can afford it.

There isn't really a lot so say really except its made all the effort to make small changes has been worth it. I'm not starving myself and when ever I'm hungry I snack on fruit.

Ive done my first preseason task about excuses. I realised a few excuses I had and many of them were to do with paralysis by analysis and not thinking about what I was eating. I know I must make the effort regarding food and exercise.

Anyway until next post...... ciao! :)

Positive changes and moving on.

Hi everyone!! Its been a while! I just read through my last post and it was a bit tough. Things were a bit hard for me and I wasn't coping!

So whats happened since!?? We have moved to Perth!! Staying with family which to begin with was really stressful but things has really settled down. I have made some new and wonderful friends, and got my antidepressants sorted. Much more calm and settled.

Now I have rejoined the 12wbt for a genuine go! After my success last year of losing 20kg, missing a round, bad things happened and I joined 2 more times where i didn't follow all the way through... I can pretty much say I am ready and stable to succeed again!

I am in a much better place and now have a work out partner for the first time! I also have the ocean to jog and walk to as long as the weather is good and making it even harder to make excuses is a treadmill and dumbbells! Gotta to prioritise my days and fit in exercise. Ive been suffering with a bit of paralysis by analysis, so its time to change all that.

Ive been making small changes to my diet, being more conscience about the type of foods i eat and snacking on fruit, drinking plenty of water too.

For my well being I have been getting massages which is helping me with migraines and sleeping better.

There you go, slowly progressing and on the way to success! lets get the ball rolling!! :)

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Striving for mental health

Ive been skipping out on writing my blog because I have been unwell both physically and my mental health has been suffering. What I thought was hay fever turned into a flu so I haven't been able to exercise as much. Not only that I have been suffering with depression quite badly lately. If I were to be honest with myself it has been a while and its been progressively getting worse.

I can pin point it back to when my sister assaulted me. That's about the time my weight started going up. It was also the time i had to quit the gym and try to have a new routine now I couldn't rely on the creche and the time i enjoyed with out the kids. it was a great social outlet. I have probably written about this before but i feel i have to put it out there so I can understand where things went wrong. I have made many genuine attempts to get back on track but it isn't until today 6mths later i am thinking clearly. 

Back in December I tried to convince my doctor that the prescription I was on was not strong enough of course because I was off my tablets at the time he wanted to put me on the same prescription and also to see a phsycologist. So Ive been seeing someone to help me feel not so overwhelmed with everything. Knowing in the back of my mind if i have a stronger prescription i would feel a bit better. Things have been so so negative in my life, Ive been negative and feeling trapped in a stressful life, not knowing how to change things. Ive had so called friends reject me and Ive been feeling like i don't want to be around people but with that comes loneliness. 

I also have not been dealing very well with my emotional and very energetic son. I realised today that part of his behavior he is feeding off of how I feel. I don't want him to grow up that way. I want him to be positive and strong and happy. 

I made the decision to take myself out without hubby and kids last night to a local theatre production of Wind in the Willows. I asked a friend of mine to come along and I have to say not only was it good to have a great friend with me but I laughed so hard, it was such a quirky and very funny show! best thing i have done in a while to make myself happy and relax! The other thing i thought I would try, which will see me at the doctors this week is I upped my anti depressant by half a tablet to see if it will make a difference. It has made such a world of difference! 

Earlier this week we had the real estate ring to tell me we had breached because when they came around the house was a mess, and of course I hadn't wiped the grubby marks off the walls and lets just say i completely forgot they were coming round. It made me angry and I tried justifying why my house was messy, blaming it on kids, hubby working away, me being sick. I cried so much the next couple of days. it was a real kick in the guts. The reality was I was in denial of not coping, hiding from everything, not facing my problems and it was really showing in my house! 

My pride had been bruised but with some kind help in the last few days I have got myself  fixing things. I have a white board marker I write my tasks for the day and make sure i mark them off once they are done. I also add an extra task i can do each day that wont make me feel overwhelmed but also catch up and get in control. For example I will wash a wall or two each day until I've done the house or sort out one room just small steps. 

I am healing myself, and facing reality but at a gentle pace so that I can keep going. As I keep getting better than I will be able to do more. I noticed because of how calm I was today, my son who usually goes nuts everyday was so calm and such a good boy! I was so proud of him. Tomorrow is a rest day,  so Monday will be a new start to getting better both physically and mentally. If my head is a mess my body wont be healthy. So here is to a healthy mind and body. 

ps. No matter how far down the road you have gone wrong, you can always turn around

SusieNona xx

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Hayfever and Crossfit!

So yesterday despite being all stuffy from this sinus infection, sneezes, blocked nose I went off to cross fit for the first time in over a week! It was a bit of a struggle to get through the run but the TABATA was awesome! It was called Tequila TABATA.... I was introduced to a couple of new moves, wall climbs which involved doing a push up and then climbing up the wall with my feet until I was in a handstand position and the climb back down! Tough and all I could think of was I was going to flip over but I didn't!

The second new move was called The Bastard! bicep curl with the barbell, lift the bar above your head and then bend your elbows so the bar is behind your head, so basically a french curl. You hit the bicep and tricep muscles.

Again we got into the sleds at the end of the workout. we had one person in the sled, one person pulling the sled and one person pushing. Its the toughest part of the workout! I had to pull a guy who was 93kg plus the weight of the sled. Of course it was made a bit easier having someone pushing but wow it was so tough I just couldn't get myself out for another run and I was trying to hold back throwing up and not to faint!

I am getting stronger and can feeling it when I do part of a workout with a particular weight i would normally find tough and its easier. eg. swinging a 10kg kettle bell and not feeling much, So I know next time I will up the weight. I love where I am at fitness wise, I think I still doubt myself at times, but I look back even a year ago and know I would not be able to do what I do now! such a huge achievement!

So I'm hoping this hay fever clears up soon so I can get right into it, this crazy weather isn't helping!

Lean and strong is making me strong. :)

Enjoy your read!

SusieNona! xx

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Tuesday work out today!

Just thought I would post again! As I was explaining in my last post Ive been in lots of pain! But this afternoon I shook off all my doubts and did Tuesday work out today! I'm so pleased that I did it! Another little victory and I could post a real workout pic for the weekly prize! Though I was posing after I did the workout while my boy took the pic, i know i worked hard!

My Triceps took a pummeling today with the focus being on triceps especially in the TABATA, I could hardly do the triceps push ups on my knees let alone on my toes!!! I made sure I was doing it, even tho they were beginner push ups! I really enjoyed the TABATA. Its so different to last rounds program, the intensity has been upped early on! LOVE IT!!

So the one thing I forgot to mention in my last post was the physical changes I have been seeing in the past 2 and a half weeks! My belly has shrunk, my arms are more defined, my legs are taking shape and my jeans are fitting more comfortably! I refused to go out and buy new bigger clothes. To me that would be accepting the weight gain as permanent and that's the last thing I want. I knew I went wrong with eating lots of sugary foods and wine over the holidays and I've been working hard to eliminate sugar out of my diet. Alcohol is easy to eliminate as I've never been a regular drinker. So much so we still have whiskey and wines sitting on our fridge and in our cupboards for a few years now!

Anyway here is my workout pic from tonight!

Happy reading! :)

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

TTOTM Just for the Girls! And all about Fibro Myalgia!!

So I've been feeling a bit sorry for myself! I've had TTOTM and its been a really horrible one! I've been so so emotional, in a huge amount of pain and its been affecting my exercise routine as its left me doubled over, cramped up, flooding and not being able to move.

There have also been a lot of emotional issues to deal with as far as my son is concerned. With my husband working away he believes he is the head of the house and can do what he wants but with persistence and keeping up with my stubborn attitude to keep things running smoothly, my son is slowly getting there and his attitude is improving.

Normally I can push through and keep up with my exercise routine which also usually helps as far as this time of the month. So I feel set back and a bit frustrated not being able to do what I wish. I am having to be patient. I'm reading alot from friends who are exercising everyday, eating really well. I am really happy for them, I'm just wishing to be right in there in the mix of things and i cant. The extent I have been able to do recently is walking, so that's what I do!

Fibromyalgia Is the main cause of my health issues. Like anyone who has it, you worry about how to balance out your energy through the day, hoping to not expend it on one task otherwise you end up in bed, in pain all over and not being able to move.

12wbt has been amazing at reducing alot of the symptoms, though one thing I cant get rid of is the persistent tiredness, leading to priority one, sleep. Even doing the dishes at times can lead to a nap. Majority of the time I am spacing my days out with lots of rest in between what I need to do. Half the time not getting through the tasks and taking several days to finish, unlike my husband who can clean the house and get everything done with in an hour or two! How frustrating!!! Thank goodness I have such help though!

So how do I get through my workouts you say???!!! Well I really have to push through with mental strength. I have days where i feel fantastic and power through the workout, the day and go to bed feeling great. Other days I have to keep reminding myself of how great I will feel after a workout. And some days I just HAVE to rest!

So you may think I'm making excuses, the thing is, its a reality for me no matter how much I may try to convince my mind its not real, my body will let me know very abruptly when Ive pushed too hard. Just know that I am there mentally when it comes to fitness. I love it with a passion, wish to be working out as hard and as much as any normal healthy person. Its just a slower journey for me. Frustrating at times, and I wonder will I ever get to where i wish to be, but its happening. My journey is unique to me and I am learning so much along the way.

Even if I can share just apart of what my daily struggles are with someone going through the same thing and worrying about the journey, I just want them to know its all worth the work even if your journey is the scenic route! More discoveries of beautiful gems of knowledge along the way!

Susie Nona xxx

Mwah xxx

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Kids love working out too!!

Since Ive been recovering from the touch of the flu and lucky my its TTOTM, I couldn't see myself skipping and running around like mad at cross fit since I get my period really heavy. Jumping around was all too uncomfortable so I committed myself to completing Fridays workout today.

The kids get very excited when I do weights and want to join in by adding their weight to the dumbell as they try to hold it too and making it just that bit harder for me! I love how exercise has such a positive effect on children!

I have a few lighter weights that I don't use anymore that they pick up and try to do a rep! Half the time they just jump around to the music I have pumping. Always brings a smile to my face as long as they don't get under foot!

They especially love it when I hook the chin up bar to the door, then I have them saying to me " mum lift me up, lift me up I want a go!"

I Do love the fact that I can almost catch my son now that I am 15kg lighter than a year ago! I have almost got my speed back. I have to laugh because even when he was 2yrs old I found it hard to catch him! He has a natural talent for running and ball games. He also has a naturally muscly physique which puts both his parents to shame!! 7 years old too!! I think I envy his muscles!! hahaha More incentive to keep going!

Well I'm feeling good! Glad I got my workout done and after 2 weeks of lean and strong I am seeing slight changes to my muscle form. Happy dancing!!

Enjoy your weekend! xx

Friday, February 22, 2013


Hey everyone, so I thought I would write a quick entry about how Ive been feeling. Yesterday the usual plan is to go to cross fit. That didn't happen as I was in bet fighting off this back to school flu the kids have had. Thank goodness It hasn't hit me that bad though I am a bit tired, but I realised I missed yesterday and this mornings usual daily multivitamin. So once I got home I took it and I'm always surprised at how great it works as I was really ready to head back to bed.

 So as it was kicking in and I was checking all my notifications, that thought in my brain kept annoying me..... GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND WORK OUT!!!! ...... Constantly nagging!! So after ignoring it for a while and telling myself I'm not well enough... which really was partly true but more like and excuse.... I got off my butt and worked out! And you know what?????!!! I felt amazing after!!!!

Yep I'm tired now but I wont regret doing my workout!

I will be heading to bed early tonight so I can wake up feeling good to go to cross fit for SSS... the theme is wear a tie! My hubby has some nice ones but I might borrow one of my boys daggy ones that have been given to him, that way i wont worry about it getting dirty since he never wears them! :)

My fitness is really improving with the combination of lean & strong and cross fit.

Well I all hope you all have had a great week of workouts!!! Trust the program! it really works!! :)

Susie Nona xx

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Mind set changing!!

Hi everyone!!! Today I posting about my mindset!!! Its a work in progress but I am getting stronger!! Last round i let numbers on the scales affect my performance so this round I have made a commitment to stay strong! After seeing all the amazing results of Lean and Strong I was kicking myself, so I'm shouting out loud now, My MINDSET IS STRONG!!! NO SELF DOUBT!!! this round will be different!! I am genuinely giving it my all and trust the program works!

Doing lean and strong is not about weight loss but changing the body shape! Which is a huge change from the last few rounds I have done, focusing on the number on the scales, now I have let it all go, not worry about the scales, though I know I need to weigh in, I am focusing on trusting Mish and prove myself its okay to give authority to someone else and know they know better than me!! My first try of Lean and strong I proved to myself that MY way doesn't work and left me with tight jeans and clothes.

Every time I pass the mirror I say to myself "Trust the program, You are changing your body for the Positive" I smile at myself and walk off happy after doing a pose and checking my muscles out seeing small changes! hahaha, I know vain but if I don't view myself positively, how am I going to keep myself on track! :)

I have in mind that I do still have some weight to lose. I am telling myself that isn't my focus now. Saying that out loud actually gives me a sense of relief. I am eating healthily and working out hard.

Now just to keep on working on my organisational skills!! I have started up a white board on the fridge and write up a plan for what I need to do each day so I not only break up my days so I have enough energy for exercise I also keep a clean house and happy family. I had to come to terms with the fact that Ive been doing things on a whim and its not really getting me anywhere. So the white board is a start and I know it needs improving. My next step is to buy myself and awesome daily planner diary, so i have fit things into a time and it will be more efficient. That will cost me over $50, so this week I will buy it as a gift to myself!

Success! Here we come!!!

SusieNona!! xx

Start of a new round!!!

Hi everyone, well I thought I would give writing my blog a go again! Its been about 3 weeks since I last posted. 

Last round I thought I wouldn't be so active in the forums or even write my journey, just plod along quietly. Little did I know it would be to my detriment as last round I stopped at 4 weeks in and couldn't get back on track!! So I'm giving this another crack which will see me more focused and be able to assess where I am at as the journey goes on. 

So, I'm not going to dwell on the past failures, rather I'm picking myself up and moving on! The reality was I had to stop going to the gym due to finances and then holiday and it just completely threw me out of whack. I was forcing myself to walk to the park with the kids for a play and back which was about 3km round trip. One time we walked over 4km home from the park. My son did so well. It was a real mental fight to do it. My head wasn't in the game. I was annoyed with myself because I was doing so well for a year or so and then fell into a slump! Very frustrating. I knew better than this, so I just kept pushing. 

I knew I had to once again clean up my diet. sponge cakes, pavlovas, ice cream, chocolate and alcohol slipped back in, as well as the headaches, feeling horrible when I woke up, feet aching, and lacking in sleep majorly. I knew in the back of my mind if I just did a work out I would feel so much better in the mind and body, even if i had to rest again. I thought Chronic fatigue was rearing its ugly head again, but I was really in denial of slipping into bad habits and old lifestyle again. 

I really missed the gym atmosphere, the friends I had there and the relief from stress of the kids i would get when I focused on doing something positive for myself. A good friend and former fellow 12wbter recommended me to a new small local gym which was focused on boot camps, and more excitingly Cross fit!!! And It was sooo cheap!! 

I was still unwell when I first went to it really took a toll on my body, but I was determined not to give up. I have only been going for a few weeks now but I love the atmosphere, the kids love it, and I am pushed beyond I ever imagined. My mind set is improving so much i can say I am quite proud of myself of the leaps I have made in such a short time. I have made the decision to go twice a week, Thursday evening and Saturday mornings for SSS. 

Since I am doing Lean and Strong again I am feeling improvements in my workouts now that I am combining cross fit in the mix. 

I am happy to say I am now back to using myfitnesspal to track my food and the girls on there are so encouraging! 

Here is a couple of pics from our 80's retro themed cross fit session from a couple of weeks ago! I was completely smashed! felt like puking and fainting!! good stuff!!  Hope you enjoy your read!! 

SusieNona!! xx

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Time to get Real!!

Ok, so this is where Im at!...... since round 2 2012 I have gained 5kg. Which isnt too bad, but man I am not happy with myself. In saying that, I accept where Im at, I know where I went wrong. I allowed myself to be convinced my own voice in my head to eat what I want again, and i could still be in control.... How wrong was I?! It started when a weekend before the round 2 finale 2012. I had gotten to 68.2kg. Feeling great that clothes were fitting me amazingly! feeling confident too! So what has seen me slip?

It started when my sister living at my parents with her bf, assaulted me. I should have walked away from the heated discussion with my dad while he was getting all hysterical about a subject we were talking about. But its too late for wishes, it happened. My sister came in to tell us to keep it down. My dad went off at her and then she turned her attention on me, attacking me verbally and then throwing things at me. I Got up to block her and thats when she got hold of me and pinned me down trying to choke me. Ripped a big chunk of hair out of my head and somewhere along the line I broke my hand. I felt like I was fighting for dear life. My son and nephew saw it and went into shock crying.

It was a horrible moment, as no one was around to help me. My husband was away working and her boyfriend just watched on. I managed to bite her hand and break skin. I think the worse part was the Police did nothing about it. And because they lied to the police, it was just considered a fight between two sisters and no one was the victim. I was the victim!!! But no one cared.

Anyway I lost weight for a few weeks while recovering but then that turned into emotional eating. I also had to quit the gym due to finances and then had a fall out with people and ones I worked out with so that fell to the side. Being on my own wasnt a problem for me, but it was all leading to alot of stress on my shoulders and I just stopped!

I started round 4, a couple of kgs heavier than when I finished rd 2, which wasnt a problem I thought I could lose it. Four weeks in and with all the weight training I was doing I had gained weight. Knowing that I had weight to lose I didnt want to gain anymore. Lean and strong really does do your head if all you worry about is numbers.

So I fell of the wagon with holidays, and injury. Its just seemed impossible to get back on track which was a first for me. I have never struggled this much before. I would make a commitment to eating better and exercising and then fail a few days later.

So here I am, allowing others, emotions, and excuses take control of my life. And this where I want it to end! I am taking control!! No more victim mentality!! I am strong, and leaving all the crap behind!! Time to get on with the show! Make time for ME!! LETTING IT ALL GO!!!! Goodbye NEGATIVITY!!!