This week has been a real mixed bag of crazy! This week has not been one of my best. In fact it saw me crying at the drop of a hat, refusing to answer phone calls, wanting to leave my husband and put a hold on going ahead with building our house. Also not getting to the gym, spending money I shouldn't and downing lots of coffee and chocolate!!
I was so ready to crash and burn, but this is how I am turning it around......
Today I realised that despite all my efforts, I was not letting go of the past. All these negative things I have been heaping on my shoulders and not letting go have been stopping me from achieving many of my positive life changing goals I wish to make my future a better one! Its dawned on me that I have been holding onto these things for such a long time, I am so used to them that adding anything extra to my life makes me feel overwhelmed and I find myself crashing and burning.
Thanks to the kind positive words of the instructor I had today in boxing. I started talking to a lady at the end of class, asking what program she is doing as her physique was amazing. In my usual manner of conversation I went on to tell her I lost 20kg but gained 10kg because of this reason and that reason, blahh dee daa..... As I was talking the instructor overheard me mention 20kg loss, then whipped me out of the class (the class had finished.) and I started on the whole lost 20kg gained 10kg etc. I could feel myself welling up with tears and saying how much I'm not coping! (well hello its a pretty big burden Ive been carrying around on my shoulders all my life!! must weigh 10tonnes by now!!!)
She stopped me in my tracks and said "Susanne, you have to change the way you view things. so what that you have gained 10kg. look at it this way, you have lost 10kg and you have 10 to go, and don't worry about trying to get back on track, you are already on track as you are here, exercising, making the effort to get fit and healthy! Talking about gaining the weight again is holding you back, you can not move forward until you accept the past is in the past and look forward. Stop looking behind you, those things don't matter anymore!" Talk about amazing pep talk! I have been told all week, I have to toughen up and be more positive, and not until today do I realise how ungrateful and burdened I have been, and I have done it to myself! No wonder I'm feeling worn out and depressed!
About 5 minutes before taking my daughter out of crèche I grabbed my clothes, makeup and jewellery, got changed and walked out feeling amazing! ( I didn't forget my daughter! ) I had an enjoyable lunch, a pedicure, makeup done and took my two children out for a nice meal at a local Chinese restaurant, where a friend saw us and joined us for a positive chat.
After sharing this experience with some 12wbt mums, and then watching the video on being grateful, I was inspired to write this blog to share my experience with you all.
So many positive things have happened to me, especially in the past week that I have not been grateful enough for because I haven't had the room in my mind for it. Don't get me wrong, I certainly noticed them, its just making the room for them I am now going to make!
So here goes........ I will no longer look in the rear view mirror of my life, I, today, now let it all go and say goodbye. GOODBYE!!!!!! (saying this out loud right now!!)
Today I am grateful for all the positive beautiful friends I have. I am grateful for the ones that pop into my day just when I need a pick me up. I am grateful for waking up each day especially by my crazy, funny, children that always find a way of making me laugh and smile. I am grateful for all the sacrifice and hard work my husband does for our family, to give us a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. I am grateful for my faith and hope for the future. I am grateful for this amazing program that is continuing to see positive changes in my life,
My list is much longer and I will be adding to it each day. I will keep you posted.
Hope you enjoy your read!